A ‘gentle parent’ says she does not force her five-year-old son to say bad as she is “Disingering”-and says she is accustomed to “hold empathy” and communicate his feelings.
Kelly Medina Enos, 34, turned to gentle parenting when she was fighting with her son, George, then 18 months, hitting her.
The mother turned to Tiktok to share her concerns and a stranger recommended that she looked at soft parents – a style that focuses on empathy, respect and understanding.
Kelly found her “ridiculous” at first, but after researching she started trying it – falling “don’t” from her vocabulary and telling George what he would like to do in the country.
She also stopped forcing her to apologize and instead instructed George to pull back and see what happened in a situation.
Kelly does not force any insulation – such as ‘bad step’ or ‘time out’ – but will offer ‘quiet corner’ as an option if you only want for some.
Now she is the mother of a daughter, Ariella, 14 months old, and has begun to drop her parent as well – learning the language of her signs for the baby so she can communicate if she wants more food or drink.
Kelly, a certified coach of soft parents, from York, North Yorkshire, said: “I do not force my child to say bad.
“A child does not develop empathy until they are about 11 years old.
“To expect a child to have empathy is a learned skill.
“If we say ‘go and say bad” – if we say they kidnapped a toy – it’s forced.
“You find out that you did not allow the baby to retreat. Instead – ‘What happened here? ‘How do you think that person is feeling?’ ‘Can what can we say?’
“Otherwise it is disingenuous.
“It’s not that we don’t want them to say bad, but there is a difference between telling them what to do.
“We still guide them.
“We teach our children how to be better next time.”
Kelly was fighting with George when she was 18 months old and says she did not have “parenting style”.
She said: “He started hitting me and hit me.
“I thought ‘what to do?” “
Kelly posted on her Tiktok account and a stranger commented asking if she would look at soft parents.
She said: “The videos I saw in the fist I thought was probably talking gently.
“I thought it was a little funny.”
But Kelly felt “so lost” and wanted to “try nothing” to help her and further researched the type of parenting.
She began with the attempt to change her vocabulary.
She said: “The climb was a great thing for me. George was climbing everything. I was saying ‘go down’, but that didn’t seem to fall at all.
“I began to say ‘legs on the floor please’. I was surprised by the change by changing the way I was talking to him instead of telling him what I didn’t want to.
“I started removing the word” don’t “. I still had discipline.
“I told him what I would like to do.”
Now she uses phrases such as “hands away” as much as she can instead of “touching” or “no”.
Kelly also learned to stop to force George to say badly and says he was helped in his understanding of empathy despite his young age.
She said: “He holds empathy and is incredible in communicating his feelings.
“He can return home with a great disappointment and I keep it and he is destroyed.
“He means he had a bad day and will be charged.
“If I hadn’t allowed him to feel and put him in his room, the bad step or time would he have opened me?”
Kelly does not use “forced insulation” with her children.
She said: “With forced isolation the child often becomes more liked or rebels.
“They learn that they have no voice and their feelings don’t matter.
“At the right time for a child is told to” sit down and think about what you did. “The child is not thinking about how they could have been treated better.
“They learn” I have to remove my feelings of frustration and anger and then I consider dear. “
“We will stay away from forced isolation, but we make a quiet corner, which I offer to George.
“I will ask him” would you like some time in the quiet corner? “
“There are books and a breathing board-is a non-sensory Nook.
“Next an option.”
Through her parents’ journey, Kelly decided to become a parent coach and qualified in September 2024.
As part of her course, she had to do a lot of self-employment, which really helped her look at why she was frustrated by certain behaviors presented George.
She said: “I really fought because of the way I grew up – there was a lot of shouting.
“It was distilled to me.
“I cried quite often.
“I worked abroad. I was expecting a lot of George.
“I said it aloud” why do you act as such a child? “
“He pulled out all the baby’s village.
“I remember the frustration.
“With Ariella I just think” I turned. “
Kelly has started gentle parenting with Ariella already learning the language of her signs for the child so that she can communicate.
She said: “We started in the baby’s sign language with her.
“It is to ease that disappointment.
“Ariella can communicate when she wants more food.
“After every single meal she will ask for more.
“How would our relationship be if you don’t know how to communicate if she wants more food?”
Kelly says soft parents are often confused with permissible parenting – where parents seek peace, avoid border control and allow the child to be under control.
She says she is not a “perfect parent” but will set boundaries again with her children.
She said: “No one ever screams.
“No one gets it right all day every day.
“Soft parenting is when we seek links even when correcting a child.
“We allow space for greater emotions and give them root lessons without blaming and shame.
“People say it’s a simple way out – it’s probably the most difficult form of parenting.
“I wish people would give him a change before making a premature judgment.”
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